I go everywhere with you!

The other night I took my 6 year old son Aiden to his basketball practice at the local Y. His 3 year old sister desperately wanted to come and “cheer.”  Sydney hates to be left behind and she often reminds me, “Daddy, I’m your little girl and I go everywhere with you.” I relented and said that she could come as long as she promised to ‘stay with Daddy.' She quickly agreed and off we went.

While Aiden practiced Syd and I wandered around the huge complex. She talked with all kinds of people. Syd’s first assumption is that you are a possible friend just waiting for a chat. “What’s your name?” “Do you play basketball?” “My brother is playing basketball.” “Do you have a brother?” “I get to go with my Dad everywhere!”  She eventually found a special 'little girl.' “Dad, this is my new friend, she’s only 2 though, her name is Cassie.” Soon Sydney and Cassie were racing up and down the sidelines, cheering, spinning and chasing each other. Wherever Syd went Cassie went, around and around the gym, back and forth to the water fountain. Making snow angels on the gym floor. They had a great time.

When the practice ended I helped Aiden collect his coat and water bottle and change into his street shoes. When we  finished I looked around to tell Syd that it was time to go but I couldn’t see her. I looked near the water fountain - no Syd. Something icy started growing quickly in my stomach. Where could she be? I started asking people, Yes, they all remembered her. No, they hadn’t seen her leave. Our nice family night was turning into a nightmare. I was getting frantic. I grabbed Aiden’s hand and jerked him along as I raced down the hallway, looking through the glass into the swimming pool, peering down the hallways and yelling her name. “Syd?,  Sydney? Sydney Rae? SYDNEY RAY MCMILLAN!!!"

After a few seconds that felt like many minutes, I looked towards the entrance and saw a tall man pointing out to the street. I sprinted outside yanking Aiden along, and there she was - following Cassie’s family across the busy street. I grabbed her and hugged her so fiercely she squawked. She just looked up at me with her big brown eyes, innocent, slightly bewildered.

“What Dad?”

I told her what! I began to bawl her using the mantra of questions that parents have asked their children for generations, “What were you thinking? I thought I told you to stay with me? You scared me half to death! That was an awful, bad, wrong,naughty and not good thing to do!” I picked her up, carried her to the van, threw her in and continued my tirade. My fear had turned to anger and it need expression! Aiden loves it when his sister gets in trouble and so like a black congregant he encouraged me from the back seat with “Yeah Dad.” “Right on Dad“ “Yeah Syd that was really bad.”  By the time we got to our subdivision we had a pretty good rhythm going.

When we arrived at the house the fear had settled and the anger had wound down. I had a meeting to get to and so left the kids with my wife to put the kids to bed. I wasn’t sure that Syd had gotten the message, but mostly I was just thankful that she was okay.

I didn’t think much more about it.  Syd did.

At 2:37 AM she came to my side of the bed and said, “Dad I need a puke bucket” She knows that gets me out of bed quick. I grabbed a bucket from the washroom, followed her to her room and set it beside her bed.

“Thanks Dad.” I got up to go but she quickly grabbed my arm.

“Dad?” Her brown eyes got big once again, there was no sleepiness, only a kind of intensity.  It was as if she had been thinking the words through and she really wanted to make sure I understood. Innocence mixed with a kind of uncertain questioning.  Fear mixed with sadness.

“I’m sorry I ran away from you today.”

“I forgive you.”

A slight smile, “Good night Dad.”

“Good night Syd.”

She closed her eyes and was almost instantly asleep.

I sat at the edge of her bed for a long time watching her breathe. I thought about longing to go everywhere with your Dad and how the possibility of that ending gets into your dreams, makes you feel sick, wakes you up. I thought about forgiveness, reconciliation and peaceful sleep. 

Then I picked up the puke bucket, went back to bed and fell asleep.

Comments

[Rick]

Beautifully written Steve... and great lesson.